blog, photography

Aching Eyes

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Several years ago, okay, actually 15 years ago, I was plagued with ocular migraines. In a nutshell, it is migraine in your eyeball. They are excruciating. Ocular migraines are often accompanied by nausea and severe vertigo but the worse part was all that throbbing pain centered in your eyes. When I experienced one, I was forced to be bed for hours with an ice pack on my face. They shut my life down.

Around 2005, I came across a supplement for mood and sleeping called 5-HTP. It was a miracle pill for me. Not only did my sleep improve, symptoms from fibromyalgia as well as ocular migraines slowly disappeared. It was a new lease on life for me. Today, I experience these pain in the eyeball migraines very seldom.

Except for today. I spent way too much time on the computer yesterday. I woke in the middle of the night with a pounding migraine. I used every trick in the book to vanquish the nasty beast. After 3 hours, the headache is subsiding but my eyes are killing me. Which is frustrating because I have a ton of work to do on the computer. I will have to ration my time in front of a screen and ration my work.

So that means, this is it for today’s blog post.
Rest, ice and meds.

Be brave.
Jamie Christine

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Humble Beginnings

October 1, 2017

At 47 years old, I am suppose to have it all together. Well, I don’t. I guess that is why I have not a clue as to why I am bothering with a blog. I’ve had many blogs in the past. Don’t search for them. They’ve all been deleted. In my own world, I consider them practice blogs. Practice, practice, practice for the day I create the perfect blog. Yeah, right. Truthfully, they are just failed attempts at an idea that won’t go away.

A blog. A story. A change.

I keep wondering why I can not shake this idea. I never stick with it. I do not know why I do it. People never read it. Maybe, I have nothing interesting or funny or thought provoking to say. Maybe, I suck at writing blogs. Maybe, I am just a boring nobody. Maybe, my voice is faint among all the internet noise. Maybe, I am tired or scared or alone. Maybe, I am sitting around waiting for someone else to do it so I can then sit back and say, “See! That was my idea!”. Maybe, I have a ton of excuses and no reasons. Maybe, I am too afraid to be completely honest. Ouch.

So, what am I doing here?

This past week, I walked out on my new customer service representative job where I was in training to process insurance claims. Boring. Anxiety attacks ruled my week. In a snot filled, blubbering, red eyed frenzy, I fled the building mumbling to myself, “I can’t do this anymore”. I jumped in my Kia Soul and left the parking lot. Quitting my job in a flurry of tears, snot and ragged breaths.

In the five days, since my less than graceful exit from part time employment, I have applied to multiple jobs and received no response, thus far. I have paced the floor, eaten way too many Klondike ice cream sandwiches and shed many tears in fear and worry. Every night before I climb into bed, I throw this thought out to God, the Universe and any guardian angel who might be listening, “I need an idea. I need to know what to do. Wake me up tomorrow with a idea or a plan.” Upon waking, my thoughts always turn to Bent Blossom, the blog that I set up over a year ago and have never taken the plunge.

Eighteen months ago, I had that blog idea surface again. After many days of tossing about names and ideas, I secured Bent Blossom with the intention of writing and selling my photography, jewelry and make some other stuff. Then, I never came back. I never worked on it, just paid for it and let it sit in cyber space gathering dust.

So, I wake up everyday thinking of Bent Blossom. All day I get little nudges and reminders to write on Bent Blossom. Start working on Bent Blossom. What about Bent Blossom? I usually reply with, “I have work to do” which really equates to Facebook.

Until 5 days ago. Now, I have more time than any one person should spend on Facebook. Yesterday I woke up thinking, “Tomorrow is October 1. Make a commitment to Bent Blossom for 30 days.” And that is why I am here. I have nothing else to do and for over 30 years, I have carried this idea to write, to share, to tell a story. Right now, this is all I have going for me.

I am at fall or fly moment. Only time will tell what my tattered wings can do.
Be brave,
Jamie Christine.