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New Day

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Good Morning!

I am running a little late this morning. My thoughts are a tad bit scattered. There is so much zipping around in my brain that it is taking a good amount of effort to get going today.

I have job interview today at 2 p.m. It is making me jumpy and of course, anxious. I need to get this job. The company I am interviewing with is a work from home company. Which I’ve attempted in the past. I wasn’t very successful with it. My anxiety crashed in all around me and I quit the job after the training period was over.

But, I need to work somewhere. Going out and physically working, is just not a real option for me. I worked the seasonal job and it just about killed me. I barely made it through. The more I worked the job, the more symptoms that I experienced. Every day I worked at the warehouse, the sicker I became. It would take me four days of rest and being home bound so that I could scrape through three days of work. The more I am outside of my home, the worse my physical condition gets. Everything makes me sick. I feel so trapped.

I can’t think about this now. I have to stay focused on coming up with a solution that allows me to work from home. I am brainstorming an online store and hoping it will be success this time. I am also hoping to get this customer service job. As much as I despise customer service work, I have no other choice at the moment.

Have a good day. I’ll be back tomorrow. Hopefully with good news.
Be brave.
Jamie Christine

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Friday Frenzy

Friday is my first day of work at the seasonal job. It’s finally here. Time to make some money. 😉

I had a busy, worrisome week. Lots of anxiety. Too much stress. But, I am hoping to end the week on a thankful and positive note. That’s my plan anyway.

Thankful to a dear friend who has offered to help with the rent for this month. Just a loan due to the fact that I could not find a job that would start in enough time to get paychecks rolling in. Applied for emergency financial assistance with an organization about 12 days ago. Haven’t heard anything back from them as of Thursday night. Not a peep. One thing I have learned, people are rarely in as much of hurry as you are at any particular moment. It always ends up feeling like they are just not as concerned about the prospect of being homeless. I have some things listed on-line to sell but no one has even commented. I’ve sold nothing bringing in no money. None-the-less, a good, wonderful friend has offered to loan us the money and we can pay her back when the paychecks start coming in or the financial assistance grant is approved or not. I am thankful for her help and friendship.

Positive note. I am finally starting work. I can not express enough times how frustrating this process has been since my contract with the newspaper job ended in August 2017. It feels as if it has been drawn out forever when reality it has been just a few days over 2 months. Oh good grief! Two of the most stressful, worried filled, irritating and annoying few months. I actually feel like it has been 6 months. I’ve applied for more jobs than I ever have in my life. At least 100 jobs applications. No kidding. How a person can put out that many freaking applications and barely get 4 interviews is beyond me. So many of my applications were never even viewed. I am so frustrated by it all. Job searching has worn me so thin that I am sure I am transparent by now. Crazy thing, it is not over. I just have temp work through the end of the year then we move. I have to find a job in a new city. Oh gracious, somebody help me!!! The good news is Friday morning will find me working, earning a paycheck for at least the next 8 weeks.

Here’s to a new job and the money it brings!
Be brave.
Jamie Christine

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Moving Monday

Good Morning! It is still morning right?

I am in the midst of trying to get myself on a new sleep schedule for my job that starts on Friday. Things are a little topsy-turvy at the moment, however, by week’s end they should be a touch better in the sleep department.

Sunday was an eventful day of decision-making at my house. For a few months now we have known that when our current lease is up in December that we would be making a move. I even started sorting through items, using up the food pantry and managed to get one box packed. Just one. My point is we knew were moving. Where we were headed to was a great mystery. Until yesterday. After months of scouring the country and cities galore we have, unanimously, settled on moving to the east coast. The state of Maryland. City? We are currently investigating, Salisbury, MD. Its location suits many of our needs and desires.

Yes, we are leaving Chandler, Arizona. Leaving my beloved west. I am already crying at the drop of a hat when I think of leaving my home. There is a good reason though. Family.

I left the east coast in April 1993 at the young and tender age of 22. I was living in Richmond, VA. I had two boys under the age of two. I was about to be evicted from the worst part of town. On a whim, I called a high school friend in Washington state. She said I could live with her mom. Within a few weeks, I sold what I could, packed what I couldn’t and headed west in Cheverolet Celebrity. I celebrated my 23rd birthday in Kent, Washington. I was there for five years when another friend, said, “Move to Arizona. We are here and you have no one there.” So, on a whim, I did. In May of 1998, I left rainy Washington for the Arizona desert.

I’ve been here almost 20 years. I’ve raised my boys here. I’ve buried one of them here. I have learned to love, laugh and live in this magical desert. Anyone who says there is nothing in the barren desert has not the eyes to see it. There is beauty beyond measure here and community that is welcoming and uplifting. Arizona is my home. I miss it already and I haven’t even left yet. So why leave? I know you are asking that question. I’m asking this question.

One word, family. I am relocating back to the east coast to be closer to family because I wonder a lot about dying. If I were to die suddenly, what would happen to my boys? Since they were raised in Arizona, they really don’t know any of my family closely. If I died, they would be alone, just the two of them. That is the last thing I want.

A second reason is what if other family members died and I never saw them again. I would be devastated. I suppose getting older and wrestling with death a few times can result in a person making decisions we might not have made before. If we suffer enough loss, we come to know how loss often shines a huge spot light on what is truly valuable in life, people. Not the weather. Not your job. Not your difference of opinions. People. Family. They are what matters most.

And so, with those raw and emotional thoughts rolling in my mind, heart and spirit, we are moving back to the east coast. Life is an adventure!

Wow, T-minus 59 days and counting.
Be brave.
Jamie Christine

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Monday Meet Up

Good Monday Afternoon!

I hope all of you have are having a super happy start to your week. I’m in a good place. Feeling a little like a doofus since I missed my post early this morning. I slept right through all my alarms. I had been up close to 24 hours so it was good to sleep in a bit.

I have found temporary employment. Yippee! I don’t start work till early November so we are scrambling to keep everything a float for a little while longer. Boy, I tell ya, tough times are so stressful! It takes some strong fortitude to hang in there in day after day. I am eager for the world to stop spinning but I don’t anticipate this for a couple more months or longer. There are lots of things to get settled and more changes on the horizon. Plus, if my temp job doesn’t convert to permanent employment then my job hunt essentially never ends. Deep sigh…

One positive thing on the horizon in November is a free business class! My local library is offering a FREE class on how to start-up a business in my city. Three Wednesday nights and they will cover everything from licensing to marketing to operation. Guess who is already signed up? Ha, ha! Me! I am so excited for it. Within the last month, I have said out loud to the universe, “I’d love to start my own business but I don’t have a clue how to do this.” Bingo! Free business class. LOVE IT!!

So, this week starts out kind of mixed up. Some struggles still happening but some good positive things coming into picture as well. Out with the old. In with the new.

That’s where are right now.
Be brave.
Jamie Christine

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“S” Words

Good Monday Morning!
Hope everyone had a super weekend. No dreaded Mondays here. Monday is just the beginning of a marvelous week brimming with opportunities. Today, I would like to share three ‘s’ words to catch up on my weekend.

Stymied.
Last week, I was stymied and was unable to make all my weekly blog posts. After my interview on Tuesday, things kind of, sort of, maybe snowballed into a blur of inactivity. I think it was the stress that built up prior to the interview. I had to take a break. To prevent another stumble with the blog, I am doing my best to write my posts ahead of time so I can have them ready to go. I’m pretty sure that is how successful bloggers do it. 😉

Second.
Tuesday, I had a job interview. I was extremely nervous but I managed to pull myself together and arrive on time. Once I checked in, I was informed that I would be participating in a group interview which is a completely new phenomena to me. I am not sure the reasoning behind such an interview, however, I did my best with the situation. Wednesday afternoon brought the much-anticipated e-mail requesting a second interview. Whoo-hoo! So, today, I am tackling interview number two which is an individual interview. Wish me luck!

Sleep.
Ah! The ever elusive friend, sleep. For over 16 months, I worked an over night job and try as I might, I still stay up all night and sleep during the day. I don’t find it troubling if I don’t have a job and have to function in the normal world of day jobs but that is just not the case. I am working hard to correct my sleep schedule so that I catch my Zz’s at night like most everyone else. Thank you, melatonin.

So, there you have it, a brief update.
Have a spectacular day!
Be brave.
Jamie Christine

 

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Interview Day

Focusing on getting the blog done early today.  To be honest, I am attempting to focus on anything I can to keep myself from having an all out spasm of some kind.

I did not wake up feeling good or confident in today.  I woke up feeling a ton of swirling negative energy. Right out of bed, even before my first cup of coffee, I felt a massive push to just let loose in a negative rant against anything and everyone. I am not sure if I can articulate what I was experiencing. It was as if I woke up and stepped out of bed into an atmosphere that was ripe with complaining, irritation, annoyance and negativity. The first words out of my mouth were criticisms about petty things. I thought, “Whoa, don’t do this.”

I was making my coffee and I felt out-of-place as the awareness of the bad spiritual energy intensified. I do not know any other way to explain this but I noticed a separation between me and the negative energy in the room. Sounds weird, I know, but things like this happen to me all the time. The idea came to me that if  I complain, then I will increase this negative mass of energy. If I indulge this dangerous beast then I will slip into this negative space sending myself into a disastrous day. I became acutely aware that if I allowed myself to complain or criticize then I would be sent careening down a path that would create nothing but negative nullifying anything good that may happen today.

While having my first cup of coffee, I thought I have to do something to change the direction of my day. The first thing I did was focus on the awareness that I was sensing. I am aware of the negative energy swirling about me. I am not making it up. Ignoring it will only force it to intensify and press in on me further. Speaking or thinking negativity fuels it’s growth so keep your mouth shut for now. Second step, do something positive or at the very least neutral to counter balance the negative and shift the direction I am walking. I can walk negative or I can walk positive. So, I told my son, Flash, about what was happening to me. He replied, “I know, I feel it too.” There you go, the beast is now out in the open.

Turning to the blog and my second cup of coffee, I scrambled to take steps that will alter my direction. The strangest part is that my efforts are working. The unwanted beast has backed off. I still feel a thin, slippery, slimy residue in the air but I am calmer. I am no longer picking up on the urge to have negative words come out of my mouth. I am not feeling the resistance that once so keenly held my focus. It is such an odd state to be aware of things like this and even though I have always been like this, I am still not accustomed to it.

I can breathe now. Today is going to be day of push and pull. I am going to have to keep one eye on the seen and one eye on the unseen. I am going to have to be hyper-sensitive about what I say and do. Every thought and choice will have to be weighed and measured. I will have to function in this world and battle the other world.  No wonder I am always tired and feel like I am stretched to thin. For now, I can not worry about it. I must stay in a calm, focused place and get ready for my interview today.

Say a prayer and wish me luck!
Be brave.
Jamie Christine

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Humble Beginnings

October 1, 2017

At 47 years old, I am suppose to have it all together. Well, I don’t. I guess that is why I have not a clue as to why I am bothering with a blog. I’ve had many blogs in the past. Don’t search for them. They’ve all been deleted. In my own world, I consider them practice blogs. Practice, practice, practice for the day I create the perfect blog. Yeah, right. Truthfully, they are just failed attempts at an idea that won’t go away.

A blog. A story. A change.

I keep wondering why I can not shake this idea. I never stick with it. I do not know why I do it. People never read it. Maybe, I have nothing interesting or funny or thought provoking to say. Maybe, I suck at writing blogs. Maybe, I am just a boring nobody. Maybe, my voice is faint among all the internet noise. Maybe, I am tired or scared or alone. Maybe, I am sitting around waiting for someone else to do it so I can then sit back and say, “See! That was my idea!”. Maybe, I have a ton of excuses and no reasons. Maybe, I am too afraid to be completely honest. Ouch.

So, what am I doing here?

This past week, I walked out on my new customer service representative job where I was in training to process insurance claims. Boring. Anxiety attacks ruled my week. In a snot filled, blubbering, red eyed frenzy, I fled the building mumbling to myself, “I can’t do this anymore”. I jumped in my Kia Soul and left the parking lot. Quitting my job in a flurry of tears, snot and ragged breaths.

In the five days, since my less than graceful exit from part time employment, I have applied to multiple jobs and received no response, thus far. I have paced the floor, eaten way too many Klondike ice cream sandwiches and shed many tears in fear and worry. Every night before I climb into bed, I throw this thought out to God, the Universe and any guardian angel who might be listening, “I need an idea. I need to know what to do. Wake me up tomorrow with a idea or a plan.” Upon waking, my thoughts always turn to Bent Blossom, the blog that I set up over a year ago and have never taken the plunge.

Eighteen months ago, I had that blog idea surface again. After many days of tossing about names and ideas, I secured Bent Blossom with the intention of writing and selling my photography, jewelry and make some other stuff. Then, I never came back. I never worked on it, just paid for it and let it sit in cyber space gathering dust.

So, I wake up everyday thinking of Bent Blossom. All day I get little nudges and reminders to write on Bent Blossom. Start working on Bent Blossom. What about Bent Blossom? I usually reply with, “I have work to do” which really equates to Facebook.

Until 5 days ago. Now, I have more time than any one person should spend on Facebook. Yesterday I woke up thinking, “Tomorrow is October 1. Make a commitment to Bent Blossom for 30 days.” And that is why I am here. I have nothing else to do and for over 30 years, I have carried this idea to write, to share, to tell a story. Right now, this is all I have going for me.

I am at fall or fly moment. Only time will tell what my tattered wings can do.
Be brave,
Jamie Christine.